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If you let me I could, I'd show you how to build your fences
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Friday, September 20, 2013
i feel i have no life. i'm depressed cos i missed out on so many things and so much fun. :( worse still, i slept at 5am last night (cos i was cheonging tmas) and guess what? I DREAMT OF MY STUPID TMA! this is too much. its not even funny. -.- but on a happier note, cor 160 tma done! with just 6% plagiarism. (i'm not expecting gd grade for this module.) while elt109 tma is 80% completed. i'm smelling the freedom and the fresh air. CAN'T WAIT!
faithy* spoke at 12:32 AM
Wednesday, September 18, 2013
this has indeed been a journey of faith. it started in the first half of the yr. i wanted to go on a mission trip but God closed the door on me. i questioned Him. not long later, church made announcement for alpha. i felt a calling for it. i wanted to see it for myself, with my OWN eyes what God can do. i mean i've heard so many testimonies of ppl coming to know Christ, accepting Him as Lord and Savior etc. so i wanted to see it for myself. of cos i had this intention of inviting friend Z. i knew it was alot of commitment to alpha. its every friday night for 10 weeks, plus a weekend away. at that time when i "signed up" to run alpha, sch hasnt started yet. alpha started not long after school started and i was overwhelmed. i remember i wasn't coping as there were many assignments and quiz coming my way and i guess it was also the whole -adjusting-back-to-student-life-phase that i was struggling with. i had no choice but to step down from leading worship in cell cos i felt i had too much on my plate (it still is too much actually). and i remember barely into the 2nd week of alpha, i felt like giving up. firstly i had no guests, secondly our group's guests attendance was very low and thus i had no motivation. but i held on. time flies, we're about halfway through now. last weekend was e weekend away to Malaysia. i was really reluctant to go cos. if you know me, i'm usually the first to say yes when it comes to travelling. like "onz! lets go!" kinda thing. but not for this. i mean i was enthu abt it at first. not until 2nd term of school started and i found out i have TWO tmas due this friday. going for the alpha retreat meant taking away saturday afternoon and almost whole of sunday to work on my tmas! plus there was no guests in my group going. motivation was really low i would say. but still, i packed my bag and went for it reluctantly. so saturday came and we had to be in church at 9am. the moment i reached there, i told myself, i'll make full use of this "break"/retreat. i will not worry abt school. i will just go and have fun and serve God and be blessed. indeed i was! on saturday night, we had this time of prayer where we prayed for each other. and i was TRULY blessed! i felt God's peace and presence, assuring me that everything is gonna be alright. so i learned through this to always place God first and trust Him. :) and as we (weiru, chrissy & i) journey on for the rest of the alpha sessions, i pray that we will grow from strength to strength and from faith to faith. spent the remaining saturday night in e room with my group (betty, siong lian, chris, weiru and nicole) talking and laughing. and after e adults and chris went back to their own room at 12am+, the gals had our gals talk into e wee hours till almost 4am. oh and i ate 3 magnums over the weekend in malaysia! oh wait, it was within 24hrs. hahah. and all 3 magnums for less than 6SGD. life is good. so now, i'm going to dedicate the next 10hrs or so into my tmas. i foresee sleepless nights for the next two nights. LETS GO!
faithy* spoke at 3:04 PM
got back my tma results last night and i cried. not just cos i was very upset with my results but more because i was shaken - what seem so clear all these while started to waver. i'm not excelling in whatever i'm studying. especially when it comes to lit, i'm like a total idiot. and many random thoughts came to mind: 1) how do you know if you are at where God intended for you? - because honestly if you ask me, i did not pray abt going into BAEP. i did not pray abt what i shd be doing. i went by feeling. i THINK i'll like this course cos English is a teaching subject and psyc is interest which can also help me to understand my kids better so just apply. so of cos now looking back i'm wondering if this is really where God intended for me. 2) if you don't excel at what you're doing, is that still your calling? aren't you supposed to do well so that you can practice them in your job? - if i can't even do lit or any modules PROPERLY, how am i supposed to teach them? i'm a tutor. 3) is your interest/passion necessary what God has called you to do? - cos i'm not sure if teaching is really my calling now that i'm not coping in my course. cos technically, they ARE related. but after that emotional roller coaster ride last night, God is good. He reminded me through my p4 tutee this afternoon that her grade has improved. true enough, i see her improving and i'm really happy! :) but i claim no credit. glory to God. for i know it is God that enables me to teach them. its end of tuesday, technically wednesday already. two tmas due on fri, both UNTOUCHED. i dunno how i'm gonna do this but i know that God's GRACE IS SUFFICIENT for me. goodnight.
faithy* spoke at 2:00 AM
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theprincess`<3 + faithy*'s her nick. + 1st cry on 2nd June. + a child of God. + outgoing by nature. + plays the guitar. + single & not available. :) ~ loves: God. freedom. kors. frens. chilling out. shopping. taking pictures/neoprints. ice creams. chocolates. blue. pooh. stars. - hates: hypocrites. backstabbers. jerks/bitches. blind accusations. empty promises. stress. menses. moodswings. violent guys. ~lil princess* wishlist + good results` + more clothes/skirts/jeans!` + new digital camera - Canon` + sofa bed` + travel` ~lil princess* goals` + be a cell leader + guitar lesson in BMS + study in NUS/SIM + teach in ITE/Poly |
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